vent, gripe, blah, blah, blah

Ok I am in a mood, Yesterday was NOT fun at all. It was full of worry for me. First off I was excited I was going to dye thread I had everything ready and it was hot in my house because I have no air conditioning only in my bedroom which on hot days is where the kids and I hide out. The kids got up and Shannan seemed ok until she was eating breakfast, she said to me "mom sometimes when you get a headache does your belly hurt?" I told her yea and she said "mine too like now" I was not REAL worried at this point until she said she wanted to go back to sleep, hmmmm I was really praying she was not getting sick on top of recovering from her adenoidotonsilectomy. So she layed on the couch for a bit and then she ran to the bathroom and threw up... I was really worrying now, she said her tummy felt better and she slept for about 2 hours, got up and had lunch and a snack and then I could tell she was very tired so I made her lay down more and she fell asleep again for another 1 1/2 hours. I was dying thread at this time and not really into it as much I made the mistake of having the fan blowing on me and it dried out some of my thread, it didnt turn out so well this time Ohhhh well LOL she got up and was hungry so her and Nate got some chips and were eating them out on the porch, then she came and layed down again I asked her what was wrong she said her head hurt again. I was just crazy with worry. It took all I had NOT to break down and cry. By now Dave got home from work and I told him about my day and he pretty much disregarded all I said because he had to go bale hay with the neighbors. UGH!! He talked to Shannan for a minute and left and she fell asleep AGAIN, so as she was sleeping I looked up online and its normal they say as you heal you feel worse. WHEW!! Not to say I am no longer worried but was feeling better about it. She woke about 45 minutes later and wanted supper and her headache was not as bad. She ate lots of mac and cheese which made me happy. I sent her for a bath and she was a totally different person, the kids wached a video and she was demanding (in a cute way) popcorn LOL so they had some while Dave came home and at his supper. She was good the rest of the evening and she didnt get up last night for more tylenol like she had been the past few nights. I am glad she is feeling better its a huge worry for me right now...

*Today Nate has his psychologist appointment at 11am I hate going up there every week but it really helps him. Yesterday was an evaluation for the STP (summer treatment program) and 2 different aides to help him with behavior and stuff, the STP is a camp here in Hastings they go from 9 - 3, 5 days a week for about a month, I couldnt make the meeting so I had a phone conference type thing. Not to be rude but i really DO NOT LIKE some of those people (case workers, etc) The lady that was Nates case worker was real snippy and rude. Everything that i said I wanted to change about Nate, (attitude, lying, self esteem, impulsive behavior, etc) She made it ALL out to be my fault that he is this way. He has ADHD which is a NEUROLOGICAL disorder, how the heck is it my fault?? UGH!! He calls himself dumb and stupid when I scold him for doing wrong, I have NEVER EVER once called him these words and the caseworker told me "well maybe if you would not call him these things he wouldnt say them about himself" I WAS FUMING!!! I politely told her that I have never called my son anything like that I ALWAYS tell him he is smart and positive things like that. and when he tells me he is dumb or stupid I say NO YOU ARENT you just need to learn to behave a little bit more... I have low self esteem, and it depresses me alot. I think he is just saying these things so I do not scold him any further. I just do NOT like the way these people act, like its always the parents fault. When he was stealing food, I was told by a few people that "I need to feed my kids more" Now I could see if he was stealing FOOD and not candy, bags of chocolate chips, soda, basically anything in the form of "goodies" he was taking. He usually did this because I told him he was not allowed to have it at some time during that day.

Sometimes I just want to ask god WHY is my son like this, WHY did you do this to us? BUT it could always be worse, and its been said that God gives you what he feels you can handle. Nate was our "surprise" child and I am glad we had him, his needs are what makes him special. I do feel bad for Shannan though alot of attention has gone to Nate because of what he is doing. I wish I could split myself in 2 and be with each of them equally all the time... Shannan is eating up the extra attention right now though LOL

I didnt get much tatting done yesterday I spent the day screwing up thread and keeping a close eye on Shannan I did get 3 pair of earrings done to sell I am hoping to get them in there maybe by today. Tomorrow is Shannans post op appointment in altoona I hate driving down there but we gotta :)

Ok I am done complaining for now LOL