I was so happy to get this, Then we went to Pearl House our favorite Chinese restaurant it was our 11th Anniversary dinner because Shannan is getting her tonsils out on June 18th which is our anniversary LOL it was nice. We were on the way home and I dont know why but I always look at the peoples names on the funeral home and seen a womans name that I knew when I worked at the school, my kids loved her... I was praying that it was not her but after alot of thought before I went to bed last night I looked it up and sadly it was her. I had just seen her about 2 1/2 weeks ago and she was her happy self. I do not know what she died from but its just sad she always made me feel good about myself. I found myself restless last night for awhile and today I have been thinking of her alot. I was not REAL close to her but she was always so happy to see and talk to me I will miss seeing her around and so will my kids.
Now today I got my new car and I LOVE IT its alot different and will take getting used to but its wonderful and I am happy We traveled to walmart today and then home and then I needed a few more things so we went go Giant Eagle just Shannan and I because my son was in RARE FORM I was near tears sometimes he is just horrible but its the ADHD impulsiveness etc... its so frustrating... Shannan seen a friend of hers from school, they trotted to each other and hugged it was cute, her friend hung around with us the whole time and then she said ohhh there is my mom her "mom" was an older woman I wasnt sure what to really think so when we seen her again she said "hey mom this is my best friend from math class Shannan" she said hi etc... and then the little girl said "she really isnt my mom she is my great grandma, my mom didnt want me" I swear to god my heart stopped and broke for this little girl and she then proceded to say "yea my mom didnt want me but she kept my baby brother who was born after me" she said this with a bit of sadness I said awww that is too bad honey, she said "its ok I love my mom even though she dosent love me, my gram (mom now) treats me better" I was so heart broken and still am I find myself thinking of her alot tonight. Shannan said to me on the way home "what will happen to her when her grandma dies?" I told her that I didnt know someone may adopt her or something like that and then she said something that kinda floored me but at the same time it didnt she said "could you adopt her mom because you are such a good mom and wouldnt do anything like that" I told her that I really didnt know. I was teary eyed the whole way home. My heart is sinking right now I just dont know why some people are like this It breaks my heart...
I got down on myself today too about my weight issues and stuff. too much is going on this week coming and I am just not looking forward to it... Monday is my ONLY free day, Tuesday is Shannans pre-op appointment, Wednesday is Nathaniels psychologist appointment, Thursday is Shannans surgery, I am scared I know its not a big deal but my Nanny (Shannan) will be put under and that scares the heck out of me... I am so not ready for this I just pray that I dont break down when they put that IV in her arm. ARRRRGH!!! once it is over I will be good We will have to stay the night and it will be the first anniversary Dave and I will be apart but we will be together Friday so maybe (depending on how I sleep and how Shannan is) I will make a real nice meal.
I have some tatting to show but that will not be until tomorrow I am wiped out and its after 10 the kids just went to bed not long ago LOL
Night All
2 comments:
As you go the the trials of the next week maybe if you focus on this quote it will help. "Feeling good is your way of telling yourself that your last thought was truth, that your last word was wisdom, that your last action was love" maybe if you keep this in mind you can see the good that is happening even when you are going through tough times and it will help you grow.
Prayers are with you hun. You have a beautiful compassionate heart.
Post a Comment